I finally discarded the tool that used to clean the smile I fell in love with.
The smile that would take away all my pain, erase my fears, help me wake up and fall asleep
now it is just a dirty, used, lying piece on your face that led me to believe so many fallacies
it promised me the future, to let go and trust in the face that was housing it. Those lips used to be just mine, and were going to be mine forever. I thought I would never release the feeling of them, until I went to re live that mouth and I couldn’t recall even the smallest memory..
Time does heel.
Thursday: You know how we wait until the bathroom trash can is at its peak where it almost starts to overflow and become embarrassing if people come over?
Friday: I fell in love at first site.
Saturday: I took the trash out
I am not a romantic. nor do I believe in such a thing. Do I know what the future holds? no.
have I even thought about it? no.
I needed it. I needed it to remind me that there is good out there, there are people like me, think like me, act like me, love like me and understand ME.
I take so much time in trying to change people and make them understand me, like it is some sort of fucked up challenge and it makes me feel good if I ever “win” but I never do. So I really don’t know what I am try to accomplish.
This person, human, ray of light, came out of no where and swept me off my feet. I spent an accumulative of 12 hours with this person. We did not discuss what we do for careers, what we came from or want to achieve. Everything was present and in the now. Where I want to live more.
i have never been called “breath taking” before. He made me want to go buy a Thesaurus the next day and extend my vocabulary.
His hands never went below my belt, nor under any clothes. His hands stayed out of my hair, around my face and lips and in my hands.
It was like the world stopped when he looked into my eyes. There was this unspoken understanding that we knew this was meant to be happening, so uncertain of what it was but we didn’t care. It was like the universe knew I was losing hope and he came into my life to pick me back up on my feet.
We felt like we had known one another for years and years. Cuddling in his arms felt like home. He could not tear his eyes from mine. it felt like an out of body experience not chasing something for once, and having to prove myself to someone. He loved (yes loved) every single part of me for what it was in this short of time. I felt like I could tell him my deepest darkest secrets. We shared feelings that we mutually felt about life, love, people, places, music, experiences all while stopping every few minutes and couldn’t help but laugh how insanely crazy it all was what was going on.
He left today for 5 weeks to tour the world and live his dream. I do not know what will come from this, and that is the beauty in it. I don’t want to know.
I for once, do not want to know..